TWW

And so begins the dreaded two week wait of our first medicated cycle. We’ve been through over two years of unsuccessful two week waits, but this one is different.

In the past there were times when the two week wait didn’t matter because I knew my husband was on a flight and we missed our window.

There were times when I knew my cysts were blocking me from ovulating so it didn’t matter either.

But this month is different. I know I ovulated because of the clomid and our first positive ovulation test. We made things line up for ourselves, I even flew across the country to make sure of it! My hopes are high this month which makes this two week wait absolute torture.

I don’t like allowing myself to daydream about a positive pregnancy test two weeks from now. I don’t allow myself on the “kids & parenting” section of Pinterest. I don’t allow myself to obsess over symptoms or even come close to a message board or pregnancy website. I keep a sliver of hope but armor myself for a negative test two weeks from now. I do this for self preservation, but it also makes me feel pessimistic and negative. Feeling hopeful and being crushed hurts more though.

At the same time, I feel especially hopeful because we conceived exactly two years ago this month, but unfortunately lost the pregnancy. It would just feel right to me to conceive in February again and have another due date in November. I’m hoping for another chance.

I’m trying to make a TWW to do list to make time go by quickly and keep my thoughts occupied. I plan on seeing The Phantom of the Opera performance downtown, catching up on my reading, finishing progress reports for my students, making time for yoga, spending more time trying new recipes, and organizing my kitchen! Whew! Any suggestions on how to make the TWW bearable?