We’ve been trying to conceive for over 2 years. That’s leaves a lot of time to think and question myself. Do I exercise enough? Am I eating healthy enough? Am I getting enough rest? Maybe I’m not calculating my ovulation correctly? Should I be taking/not taking certain supplements? But the question I find myself asking the most is do I need to change my lifestyle?
I’m married to a charter pilot which means we live without a schedule. Annoying? – yes. But I’ve come to peace with my husband’s choice in career a long time ago and I couldn’t ask him to do anything else. (And frankly I think we would go insane seeing each other every day!!! Hahaha)
I see how much my husband absolutely loves flying, and I reflect on my daily struggles of being a teacher.
My day begins with an hour commute through never ending construction zones. And I’m only driving 15 miles!
Then I get to my classroom, which is in the most challenging building in the district. I see children in physical altercations with staff and being restrained daily. I hear the f word screamed down the hall daily. The staff are absolutely giving their all until there isn’t anything left.
My class is an emotional disaster. Children are coming from abuse, neglect, and poverty. But I can only put a bandaid on their problems during the day. Although I try to teach and heal from a loving place, I’m not always successful. Just today every chair in my class was thrown by one child in a fit of rage.
Since we’ve been doing medicated cycles, I’m “hands off” in my classroom meaning I will not physically restrain a child in any way. That means children are hurting each other because I’m no longer the barrier between them. I’m trying to protect myself physically but emotionally I’m a disaster too. My classroom is a daily assault on my senses, emotions, and spirit.
I’ve been taking all of the correct steps to support my students with behavior challenges and social emotional deficits. But it’s March and I’m still in the trenches. Any intervention or support is solely my responsibility.
When do I say enough is enough? When do I walk away? And if I do, how do I justify my choice to leave with the students who need me the most? When do I put myself first? Are my needs important enough that I could ever walk away?