I’ve been having some minor panic attacks this weekend. I took my last pill of provera on Thursday with the hopes of AF arriving this weekend.
Nope. That would be too easy, and of course I have to do everything the hard way.
So naturally I spent the weekend obsessing over what could be wrong with me. CD 53, 10 days of provera, and still nothing!! I have absolutely no idea what is going on with my body and it’s incredibly frustrating.
I even took another HPT (because I obviously like to torture myself). I don’t even need to tell you the two words that flashed back at me.
Ugh… So I’ll just keep waiting. I’m debating if I should call my doctor tomorrow or just wait it out. I’m going back in next Monday anyways.
On another note, I went shopping for a baby shower gift for a friend who’s due in June with her first baby. Typically I avoid the baby section of any store but lately I’ve been allowing myself to browse with the rationale that I’m just looking for a baby shower gift.
I decided to buy her diaper bag and I stuffed in with diapers, wipes, pacifiers, burp cloths, onesies, and a few books. It was really cute when I wrapped it all up with a pink bow!
But while I was in the baby sections, I lingered. And I started to pick things out for my baby. I saw a camo onesie at old navy recently that said, “dad’s wingman.” I really wanted to buy it (since my husband is a pilot) but I stopped myself.
Today at Target I saw a onesie with an airplane print design. I couldn’t help but hold it up and imagine myself buying it for my son. This baby boy I imagined in my head. With my husband’s curls and my blue eyes. Chubby like we both were as babies. Smiling at me.
I didn’t let myself but anything besides the shower gift.
Years ago, when my husband and I were juniors in college, we went to the air and space smithsonian for spring break. We saw a poster with a young boy in an old school aviator hat. We bought it saying to ourselves this will hang in our child’s room one day. It’s still rolled up in our guest room closet with some books I’ve collected over the years and a few stuffed animals.
How much longer will it have to sit in our closet?