Ode to the unconventional 

Being in our six month wait gives me a ton of time to think. I’m not obsessing over temperatures, ovulation tests, woulda coulda been phantom symptoms, or medications and lab work. It’s just good ole fashion trying to make a baby til October. 

In my copious amount of time to think, I’ve been reflecting on our experiences. My husband and I met in college but we are pretty far from your typical happily ever after. He’s a charter pilot which means he’s gone for extended periods of time with little notice ahead of time and no schedule. And no, I don’t even get free flights. 

At first, I fought to live like the typical married couple. Why am I married when I’m sleeping in my bed alone in a new city? Why can’t he be home more?  Why don’t I have my partner by my side when I need him the most? I struggled with feeling alone and isolated for a long time. Most of our friends and families didn’t understand why we couldn’t make definitive plans. When my husband is only home one weekend a month I selfishly want to keep him for myself! 

After years of this turmoil I finally learned to accept our lifestyle. I found my own path being married to a pilot. I learned to make plans and continue to live my life, and if my husband was around to experience it with me it’s an added bonus. I learned to be content just being by myself. It was a hard thing to do but I had to change my mindset in order to be happy again. 

So three years later into our marriage, two of which we’ve been on our TTC journey, I find myself in a very similar situation. I struggle with the emotions and bad feelings that come with infertility. I blame myself and try to reason why we’re experiencing something that truly can’t be explained. 

So I had to change my mindset again to find happiness. Infertility is just something we’re experiencing right now. And it won’t be forever. As much as I wish we could be that conventional couple that quickly gets pregnant after their one year anniversary, we’re not that couple. We live a different lifestyle, we walk on a different path. 

I love the person I’m becoming in spite of infertility. I’m learning to love myself exactly as I am and accept my body. I’m learning to make time to take care of myself. I’m learning the true meaning of patience and perservesrance. I’m learning to pray more and gain strength from these struggles. Infertility does not define who I am and it never will. 

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3 thoughts on “Ode to the unconventional 

  1. I hear ya! A couple of differences: we haven’t started TTC yet and don’t know what our fertility situation is but I’m wondering how long it will take (if it will ever happen) since my husband can be gone for months at a time (also a pilot). Last summer he was gone nearly three months straight! He tries to reassure me that I can just come visit him when he’s traveling and I’m out of grad school. Not sure we can afford frequent flights to the Caribbean, Canada, Alaska, Hawaii, etc. We hope to start TTC in January so this should be interesting! I haven’t decided if I’m going to blog about it just yet…

    I spent most of my weekend alone watching Netflix. Seems kind of lame but I’m working two jobs and renovating the kitchen so I appreciated the time off my feet! Feel free to send me comments when you’re hanging out alone because I probably am, too 🙂

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    1. Yes! I love hearing from other pilot wives! We live such nontraditional lifestyles and most people just don’t understand when you try to explain! In the past my husband has been gone for months at a time too, but luckily he moved into the assistant chief pilot position recently so he’s home a lot more. And he’s able to negotiate with dispatch during “prime time” hahaha. Honestly though, I love our lifestyle! Everyone needs a good netflix binge weekend every once in a while – I just finished the new season of Orange in the New Black.
      Anyways, if you want to chat when you start TTC just send me a message! I remember at our first appointment with our fertility doc I had to explain our lifestyle and why it was impossible to schedule sex! She laughed and luckily has been awesome in arranging appointments for us. I think it may take pilot wives a few extra months to conceive but it’s not impossible!

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