The empty room

We bought and moved into our first home two years ago. We were expecting our first baby at the time and imagined filling our three bedroom house in the upcoming year. Unfortunately things did not turn out as planned.

When we toured our home and moved in, we chose the smallest bedroom as our nursery. We started to imagine the layout and color scheme. I have a whole Pinterest board saved for this exact purpose! But two years later, it’s still a plain white room. I guess it reflects our experience trying to have a baby for the past two years. Grand plans, but still empty.

I decided that this room needed a change. I’m tired of looking at the room of “what ifs.” I usually keep the door closed because it hurts to walk by peering into the room imagining a baby that’s not here yet. It’s a little jab to my already aching heart. And that’s not what I want in my own home.

I taped the baseboards and I’m planning to paint. I chose a buttery neutral yellow color. A happy color. Instead of being my room of despair, or failure, it’s going to be my room filled with hope. It’s my small way of saying we’re not going to experience this forever. One day, this room will be filled with love.

I also asked my husband to build a child’s bookcase. My teacher hoarder tendencies have stashed away my favorite picture books. I gave some away to expecting friends, and of course my students, but I think it’s time I start giving them to myself. I’m going to start honoring those books and our hopeful plans of having a family. It’s going to happen for us, one way or another. I have faith. And that’s what this room will symbolize.

5 thoughts on “The empty room

  1. I experienced this same thing. We moved into our house 16 months ago with the hopes a baby would be in one of our spare bedrooms asap. Well,you can’t plan for everything. I dreaded walking by that room, the door was always closed and I hated even seeing the closed door. I cried every time I went in there. Then slowly I started realizing I needed to make that room into something else. And when I went on my week long girls trip, my husband turned it into my office (I recently returned to school). The room still brings a little dread but nothing like before. It’s all just part of the healing process.


  2. I love that you are transforming the room. We also had the room sitting empty for multiple years, it was hard to even go into it. Now that it’s becoming a nursery it’s nice to look at the room with a bit of hope instead of despair – I hope you find the same transition happens for you too! And, I too am hording children’s books so a bookshelf became a bit of necessity.


  3. Love the yellow! We did “cucumber crush,” a pale mint green, with the same intentions. It’s serving as a guest room for the time being but hopefully not for long!
    Yesterday my mother-in-law asked if I was interested in a few baby things she had kept. I felt a wave of nervous/excited/nervous, is that weird? I asked her if I could look at it in December when we come back to Pittsburgh…I don’t want to jinx things.


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