2dpiui

2 days down, 12 more to go…

The day after my first IUI I felt some major cramping and discomfort. Usually on medicated cycles I feel some pressure and discomfort around ovulation, but this month was definitely more intense. It could have been the IUI procedure or the fact that I had three mature follicles and there was just more going on down there!

I also was extremely bloated 1dpiui to the point where I immediately changed out of jeans into yoga pants when I got home. I had a little bit of spotting, which my doctor said is normal after the IUI. I had to keep reminding myself that everything I’m feeling is normal and I’m OK. I asked my husband to pick up some coconut water on his way home and I started chugging liquids. I feel considerably better today and the bloat is starting to subside.

Physically I’ve been taking it easy the past two days but emotionally, I’m a disaster. I know I should be excited or hopeful or optimistic, but in reality I’m terrified. We have so many people rooting for us right now. We had fantastic odds going into the IUI. But I still won’t let myself believe that this might work.

I’m scared.

I think I’m just trying to protect my very vulnerable self in this torturous process of what if’s and maybes. Our families and friends know we did an IUI this cycle and know that we have unexplained infertility, meaning there’s no reason why it won’t work for us. So if it doesn’t work, like every cycle for the past 2.5 years, I feel like people look at us and judge. Judge me for doing something (or not doing something) to compromise a possible pregnancy. Judge me as not healthy enough. Or good enough. Or committed enough. Or woman enough. Or anything!

I know I’m just being really hard on myself right now. And most people in our lives love us unconditionally and don’t judge us or think negative thoughts. The TWW anxiety creeps into my brain and causes havoc!

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7 thoughts on “2dpiui

  1. Sending you a big hug! This is one of the most difficult times. I understand how hard it is for you to be excited but at the same time not be excited. The biggest things that really helped me in my last cycle was staying busy. The second I had some free time to think was the worst. Sending you some strength go get through your TTW! I am rooting for a BFP for you. ❤

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  2. Thanks. I know so many other women know this feeling too. I’ll definitely try to stay busy – I just made weekend plans so I’m not home alone with my crazy self!

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  3. I know exactly that feeling you are having – when someone asks me what is actually wrong and I tell them there is nothing the doctor can find wrong with us – I can see it in their eyes, the possibilities running through their heads and trying to figure out what to say!! That is probably 99% of the time in my imagination!!! But still can’t help but feel like that. It’s so CRAP!!!
    I’m going to offer advice to you, which I know you already know!! Sorry!!!! That is to get busy with a mini project to distract you!! I’m going to heed my own advice and I’ve started refurbishing some furniture plus started a new online course!
    I’m sending you positive thoughts and best wishes to make it through the next 12 days without going insane!!! X

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    1. Unexplained infertility can be sooo frustrating! I want to think this is it but then I don’t want to let myself get my hopes up. I’m definitely taking your advice and finding a new project to keep myself busy! We can make in through the next two weeks!!

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  4. I was like this during my second pregnancy. I had these exact feelings of fear. Of course, I miscarried and took all the blame weight on me. I would recommend talking to someone about it, or checking out a ttc forum or facebook group because you are not alone in these quite normal feelings. I will keep you in my thoughts, sweetie.

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