*big sigh of relief*
After three of the most stressful weeks of my life, I finally feel like I can start allowing myself to enjoy this pregnancy.
After our possible corneal pregnancy scare, I was scheduled for weekly 3D ultrasounds at the women’s hospital downtown. I went into my last ultrasound feeling ok, like my doctor just wanted to triple check things. I also went alone (my husband was supposed to be in the UK at the time).
I started by having a regular ultrasound. The tech finished up and left to show a doctor to make sure the images were ok. A minute later, the head doctor walks in and announces that she wants to do the ultrasound herself. Immediately I was overwhelmed with anxiety. She found a strong heartbeat and literally spent 15 minutes poking my insides with the wand. She told me I could get dressed but she was still “playing” with my images. By now I’m on the edge of a breakdown thinking she’s looking at something terrible.
I finally asked her if everything was ok because I’m a nervous wreck. She told me she just really likes doing 3D images and in her opinion everything looked great. Aaaaahhhh!!
The next day my RE called me and said in the nicest way that I don’t have to be her patient anymore. But she wanted me to keep in touch and send pictures of the baby when April comes around. So I made an appointment with an ob/gyn practice at the hospital near my houses versus downtown and my first appointment is next Wednesday.
In the meantime, I’ve been enjoying feeling terribly neaseaus and throwing up. I have zero appetite and I can easily sleep 12 hours a day. But you’ll never hear me complain because we waited almost three years to finally feel this. I am so incredibly grateful for every single day.
Last week my husband and I received one of “those phone calls” from our friends that started with, “we have some big news to tell you…. And we wanted you to know before you saw it anywhere else…” Yep, I think most of us know what’s coming. They told us they were 10 weeks pregnant (4 weeks ahead of us) and have only been trying for a few months. Usually I would push through the conversation and cry immediately after hanging up. This time, I congratulated them and smiled knowing we’re there too.
My husband and I had a long conversation about our friends who have/are having children. We both agreed that we’re not having the same experience. Things are just different for us.
One thing we both feel is an extreme need for privacy. We don’t want to tell anyone and we keep pushing the date back for when we plan on announcing. We worked so hard and waited so long to get here. We need time to just live in these moments together. We need time to know our baby is growing because we’ve experienced loss before.
I still haven’t taken a “bump” picture yet. I just remember how hard it was seeing those photos on my camera last time. I told myself I would start today but it didn’t happen. And I’m not going to make myself just yet. We also have not purchased any baby items, but my mom and I are planning on going to a baby consignment sale this weekend.
Thank you so much to everyone who prayed for us and baby. I gain so much strength from all of you. I really appreciate everyone checking in on me and sending us strength and positivity. I am so lucky to have so many wonderful friends all over the world!!