Insensitivity 

The past ten weeks have been the happiest in recent memory. I am so incredibly grateful for every single day with my growing baby. Sometimes I go back and read my posts from six months ago. Even though I’m not in that same place emotionally, infertility still hurts. It’s still a part of who I am.

Recently we’ve been sharing our news with more people and we’ve decided to be very honest with our struggles to get pregnant. I tell people (who don’t already know) it took us almost three years to get pregnant, with one loss, and a lot of help from our doctor. I think it gets the point across. But people still find ways to say the most callous things.  

Our neighbors hosted a big fall get together for our neighborhood which I knew would include heavy drinking. Instead of making my husband drink double, we decided to just tell our neighbors. First, we heard “Well we were all wondering when you’d have kids?!” followed by our other childless neighbors who said, “I guess the pressure is on us now.” Not only was I upset by these comments, but my husband quickly stepped up and reminded them it wasn’t an easy process for us. I guess we’ve been a topic of conversation on our street where almost every single house has at least three children. 

Once the school year started, and with the many appointments from our early scare, I had to tell my boss and teaching assistant that I’m pregnant. My boss was incredibly happy and supportive. She went through a very similar experience. My assistant on the other hand has managed to say every inappropriate thing you could imagine. 

First, she was irritated that she switched into my classroom to work with me this year only for me to go out on maternity leave this spring. She’s already complaining about finding a good sub. And if I’ll be coming back next fall. 

Second, she told other people we work with when I specifically told her to keep my news private. Especially with all of my early appointments and scans. I worked damn hard to get here. It’s my news to share when I’m ready! 

Third, she’s constantly asking me if I feel the baby moving yet (like every other day!). I tell her it’s way too early but she proceeds to tell me that I’m wrong. And that I should be feeling something. Ugh!!!!! 

This past weekend my husband and I went back to his hometown for a fall fair. My mother in law ambushed me that we need to start telling people before she does. Then she’s goes on and on about how she won’t be surprised if we have another baby right away because she knows this lady who conceived naturally after IVF blah blah blah… Can I just enjoy this experience? This is most likely our one and only so just leave us be! 

She also brought up that my sister in law is starting to think about having children. Not just once, but constantly. Again… Can I just enjoy my own experience without feeling like it’s a competition? 

At the fair I happened to walk up on a conversation about my husband and I. His extended family was gossiping about when we’d get around to having children since most of his cousins who were married after us already have children. Word for word they said, “Marcus and Erin are so behind.” 

Now after a culmination of hearing all of this I was extremely upset. The last thing I want to hear when we announce is “Finally! It’s about time!” 

Am I being too sensitive? Are pregnancy hormones clouding my mind? (I feel great compared to the clomid crazies btw) I’m trying to surround myself with good thoughts and positivity, but damn is it hard sometimes. 

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9 thoughts on “Insensitivity 

  1. People who say things like that often have trouble seeing life from any perspective than their own. They use themselves as the measuring stick for your “success” in life. How conceited, huh? Thank goodness for people who can imagine how a comment like that can hurt. Hugs.

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  2. I really don’t think you are being unreasonable in your reaction to these types of responses. I’m sorry you are getting so many of them. I just wish people could understand the struggle that some of us go through to have kids and simply celebrate our good news with us, without judgement, when we are finally able to share good news!

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  3. Girl, you’re not being too sensitive at all. No such thing, hormones or not. Those are all horrible, upsetting things to hear! Fertiles just don’t get it and sadly probably never will have a clue. I hope things turn around for you and people can start truly celebrating with you, no strings attached.

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  4. Ok, first of all, can we get this assistant chick transferred to someone else’s classroom?!? AH! As for EVERYONE in your post (minus you and your husband of course), why do they feel that it’s so necessary to commentate on everything, especially your guys’ life experiences. Frankly, I probably would have gone off on everyone at the fair. I don’t think it’s your hormones at all. I think it’s the fact that you’re a decent human who knows how to empathize, which allows you to NOT behave like these individuals. Oh man, I am riled up now! Do whatever you need to do to enjoy every ounce of this experience. You aren’t behind; you’re right where you should be. xo

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    1. I’m trying to convince my assistant to transfer out of my prek into an elementary classroom because it’s easier and more money! As for everyone else, I might just unleash my inner crazy and let them have it! Why not?

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  5. People do say the craziest things. I hear things all.the.time. But I think if we keep talking about it, then people become more aware and more sensitive to other people in their lives. I’m so ecstatic for you, and I think and pray for you often!

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