Always the 1 in 8

Recently I attended a breastfeeding class’s sponsored by the hospital where I’ll deliver. I planned on attending alone because my husband is often out of town and honestly how much can he help with breastfeeding? 

As I walked to the elevator, a pregnant couple happily chatted behind me. She joked about her husband being the only man in the class tonight. I politely smiled and sat alone. 

We were a few minutes early so the instructor made small talk with the couple. They were so happy to share about their perfectly timed birth (being teachers and taking the end of the school year and summer off). And how easy it was and on their first try! 

I tried not to roll my eyes. But I instantly felt those same feelings from the days where it felt like everyone was pregnant while I was all jacked up on clomid and letrozole. I told myself I was just being cranky and to forget about it. 

After class I called my husband to catch up at the end of the day. He mentioned talking to one of his college buddies (and new dad) who made the comment, “so one and done for you guys, huh?” 

My husband doesn’t read into things like I do, but this comment got under his skin. He responded that this baby was a miracle for us and having more children isn’t really up to us (more so a higher power). This quickly shut the conversation down. 

What I don’t understand is how quickly family and friends forget everything we did to get to this point. This baby was three years in the making. We experienced loss during the process. There were a lot of downs before this one glorious high! 

I am grateful for every. single. day. of this pregnancy. Even the moments where I’m hugging the toilet or hobbling across my classroom from sciatic pain. None of it compares to the emotional pain of infertility. Even if my loved ones are quick to forget our experience, for me it’s still so fresh. 

Does infertility forever change you? Will I always feel calloused and jaded? 

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6 thoughts on “Always the 1 in 8

  1. I think that is why I decided to be open about our difficult journey. Those comments and hearing those things make me mad. I am sure you still have thoughts back on the past 3 years of like holy crap I actually am pregnant now. It’s so hard to actually believe sometimes. Anyhow, loved your post and I totally get it!!

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  2. I think the callous and jaded feelings come and go. I am very open about our loss, and I think it brings more awareness. I recently had a woman at my door trying to sell me retirement options and mentioned saving for college and how she had three kids and yada yada. She made an assumption about me because I live in suburbia. I responded that I don’t have any living children, and the “oh crap” look came on her face. I may be a little sadistic but I like that look because that look tells me that maybe she will be careful for the next house she talks to.

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    1. Yes, I know that “oh crap” look too! I think being open about pregnancy loss or infertility help educate others but in the mean time it still brings up a lot of emotions on our side. But if that means I can prevent another woman from getting a comment I received, then I’ll take it!

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  3. People really don’t think before they speak. And they really don’t understand that pregnancy isn’t a cakewalk for everyone. I find that now that I am pregnant, I actually feel guilty sometimes. Like I felt guilty inviting a good friend who is struggling with infertility to our baby shower. I also feel so scared that something could go wrong. I think years of bad news have made it impossible for me to fully embrace being happily pregnant.

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    1. Yesss! I feel bad for not always being a happy pregnant woman. I’m scared out of my mind most days! We’ve learned to expect obstacles and armor ourselves for bad news, it’s hard to just let that all go. I still feel like I relate to those experiencing infertility more than “typical” pregnant women.

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