The empty room

We bought and moved into our first home two years ago. We were expecting our first baby at the time and imagined filling our three bedroom house in the upcoming year. Unfortunately things did not turn out as planned.

When we toured our home and moved in, we chose the smallest bedroom as our nursery. We started to imagine the layout and color scheme. I have a whole Pinterest board saved for this exact purpose! But two years later, it’s still a plain white room. I guess it reflects our experience trying to have a baby for the past two years. Grand plans, but still empty.

I decided that this room needed a change. I’m tired of looking at the room of “what ifs.” I usually keep the door closed because it hurts to walk by peering into the room imagining a baby that’s not here yet. It’s a little jab to my already aching heart. And that’s not what I want in my own home.

I taped the baseboards and I’m planning to paint. I chose a buttery neutral yellow color. A happy color. Instead of being my room of despair, or failure, it’s going to be my room filled with hope. It’s my small way of saying we’re not going to experience this forever. One day, this room will be filled with love.

I also asked my husband to build a child’s bookcase. My teacher hoarder tendencies have stashed away my favorite picture books. I gave some away to expecting friends, and of course my students, but I think it’s time I start giving them to myself. I’m going to start honoring those books and our hopeful plans of having a family. It’s going to happen for us, one way or another. I have faith. And that’s what this room will symbolize.