Every year I make a new year resolution. They aren’t your typical resolutions; they are more like personal mantras for my upcoming year. My past two resolutions included “learn to love Pittsburgh” and “live in the moment.” I remind myself of my mantra throughout the year and I feel like I’ve successfully adapted to Pittsburgh and life married to a charter pilot.
This year my resolution is “gain strength from your struggle.”
Marcus and I have been struggling with infertility for the past two years and we will continue on our journey to have a child in 2015. I have been tested to my limit this past year, both physically and emotionally. I have felt my lowest lows and completely hopeless at times. I struggle with understanding why Marcus and I are on this path. Infertility makes you question everything about yourself, your marriage, and your purpose in life.
On the other hand, I believe infertility has made me a stronger woman and wife. I think about everything Marcus and I have been through together and how our struggle having a child has brought us closer than ever. We are each other’s support through all of this. I could not do this without him (and not just physically!) If we can make it through infertility, we can make it through anything.
Infertility will make me a better mother. I can’t wait for the bouts of morning sickness and getting up with the baby in the middle of the night. I’m going to soak in every moment knowing it finally happened for us.
I think about how I will feel when we finally see that positive test. Imagining that feeling keeps me going most days.
So as I sit in the doctor’s office for more tests and procedures in 2015, I will tell myself to gain strength from my struggle. Be a stronger woman. Know that there is a light at the end of this long, dark, lonely tunnel. Know that we are surrounded by people that love and support us.
All we ask for is a little extra love and support this year. A hug when we need one. A shoulder to lean on when things get hard. Your prayers, thoughts, and positive baby makin’ vibes are appreciated. We are hopeful for 2015.