Looking for the answers in the pouring rain

I had my follow up appointment with my RE this morning. My husband was able to weasel his way out of a few flights to come with me, which I was extremely grateful because I needed his support today. 

We went over my past two cycles on clomid and my doctor concluded that medicated cycles aren’t working for us. She’s switching me to letrozole and strongly suggested doing an IUI next cycle. Pretty much what we expected going in. 

She apologized for giving us bad news. That’s one thing I really appreciate about my doctor. She’s very calming when I’m feeling anxious. We joked about the effects of clomid and laughed about my asparagus throwing episode. She bluntly stated that infertility is extremely unfair and emotionally draining. I feel like she’s not just treating my medical side effects but acknowledging the emotional ones as well. She’s rooting for us and she told us to not give up, even on our “off” cycles, because there isn’t any reason why it can’t happen. 

We also talked about my progesterone levels. She didn’t seem concerned about them but she wrote a note in my chart to monitor them. She also unexpectedly brought up IVF. I know that’s where we go when IUIs don’t work, but it’s scary to think about how fast this is all progressing. No one ever imagines themselves in this position. It’s all feeling more real now. There isn’t a magic pill for us. It’s getting more intense and scary. 

So we’re probably going to do a June IUI because I’ll be off from teaching and can focus all of my energy on baby makin’. In the mean time, I’m going to try acupuncture and spend the next month and a half getting in tip top shape! 

After our appointment I was feeling down. I still am. It’s a lot to process and I’m trying to accept that we’re most likely not going to conceive on our own. My husband knew I was down so he ways bring very optimistic and cheerful. He gave me lots of hugs and took me out to lunch at a restaurant I like. He even brought home flowers this evening! He’s the best! ☺️

 So if you’re reading this: thank you bub. Even though I may not always show it, you always make me feel better. We’ll get through this together. I love you.

On a side note, the title is a lyric from the song cigarette daydreams by Cage the Elephant. It’s a bit emo but the lyrics are beautiful and perfectly sum up how I feel. 

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7 thoughts on “Looking for the answers in the pouring rain

  1. My fingers are crossed that the iui’s will work for you. I remember being so mad when our RE first brought up IVF like it wasn’t a big deal. At the time, I felt like we were being pushed into it. Before we chose to move onto IVF (which we are in the middle of now), we took a good 6 months off of trying to regroup and really make sure it was the right decision for us. We didn’t want to feel rushed. Again, my fingers are crossed you don’t have to worry about it at all and the iui’s will do their thing.

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    1. Thank you! I really hope it will do the trick for us. We’re going to end up taking 6 months off if it doesn’t work. I want to switch our insurance in our open enrollment month so we can get at least some fertility coverage. Ugh… Insurance!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. He made me laugh when he announced very loudly in the waiting room after our appointment, “I’ve learned so much!!” He knows all the acronyms and every part of the female reproductive cycle! It cracks me up when he references CM!!

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  2. I’m in the same boat with the RE, even with waiting until the summer to start more invasive stuff, and it’s so damn hard. Good luck enjoying your month off!

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  3. Having an understanding doctor makes all the difference. I’m really thankful for mine as well. The whole clinic is amazing, really. I’m so glad you have so much support.

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